When you have served on ministries,helped your family members, been there every time a friend needed you, been there when who ever called, worked and served and worked and served until you are so tierd and you have nothing left but blood, sweat, and tears, IT NEVER WAS ABOUT GOD OR THE PEOPLE YOU WERE SERVING, IT WAS ALL ABOUT YOU!
SOME PEOPLE NEED TO DO ALL AND BE ALL JUST TO FEEL IMPORTANT , NOTICED OR SEEN. THEY GET WRAPPED UP IN A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS THAT THEY WERE NEVER EVEN CALLED TO, SO THEY CAN FEEL A SENCE OF WORTH. SOMETIMES PEOPLE MISTAKE THESE PEOPLE FOR BEING "SOLDDDDDDDD OUT FOR CHRIST" AND THEY STRIVE TO BE LIKE THEM. THE TRUTH IS THEY ARE SOLD OUT TO THEMSELVES AND THAT FEELING OF BEING SPECIAL IN THE EYES OF MAN. YOUR SENCE OF WORTH NEEDS TO COME FROM THE FACT THAT GOD HAS CHOSEN YOU TO BE HIS. YOU DID NOTHING TO EARN THAT AND YOU CAN NEVER REPAY HIM.
Some have argueed that there are people that get burned out that are called to do many things. This is so true, and this is not foe them! This is for that person who is always talking about what they are doing for everyone , and they are always talking about it to everyone as they seek their praise and awards on earth. It takes a very mature Christian thats is willing to completely submit to the Holy Spirits leading to even admitt that they have this issue. If they are at least willing to receive that wisdom from him then maybe they can start to change this unseen by many selfish patteren.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Single Women’s Standards
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 3:47pm
(every one should have standards, but are your's so high no man can reach them ?)
1.“He lives at home with his mother.” Why does he live at home with his mother? If you are turned off at just the sound of this and not even allow him to explain the situation, you could be pushing away a blessing.
A)He lives at home with his mother because his mother’s actually lives with him and he takes care of her because she is sick.
B)He just went threw a divorce because his ex cheated and he let her keep the house while he saves for a new one.
2.“He’s too old or too young.” There is such a thing as too old or too young for you, but sometimes we can be extra anal. When you are in your thirties 5 to 6 years difference is not a big deal, but at the same time if a guy is 23 and the girl is 17, that’s not cool at all. Each situation is different.
A)God could be trying to bring a slightly older man into your life for you to look up to and because it maybe easier for you to respect him.
B)God could also be bringing a slightly younger man into your life because that man will be a great fit for your personality, but if you never give him a chance, you’ll never know.
3.“He don’t have a job!” or a good enough job. Sometimes women look at men and think, that’s how I want my husband to be. But you don’t know what it took for him to be there, lots of times you are seeing the end result of a lot of hard work. A few years beside him while he’s working for UPS shouldn’t be beneath you.
A)He could be working at a shoe store while putting his self through collage.
B)He could have plans and dreams to own his own business, the dream will come true and what you turned down, 5 years later is looking kind of nice.
4.“He’s too newly saved.” In a lot of cases this seems like a logical reason. But each situation needs to be treated differently. A brother who’s on fire for the Lord and growing is all you need to make it. Men who have been saved for years do not come with a guaranteed GREAT HUSBAND stamp. Just don’t cross him off the list if he says he’s been saved for a year.
A)A man can be newly saved but surround himself with older men in the faith and grow to be a strong grounded Christian.
B)A man can be saved for a while and still do things that you thought a long time Christian man would never do.
5.“He just got out of a relationship.” I don’t quite understand the logic behind this but it’s something I’ve heard from women. What is wrong with a guy making a decision to walk away from something he didn’t see working?
A)Maybe God’s leading him to be connected with someone else, maybe that’s you? Why would you not even consider giving him the time of day because he just broke it off with someone?
B)Maybe the girl cheated or she just dumped him. Some ones lost can be your gain, but you won’t know that if this is a standard you have.
6.“ He doesn’t serve on church ministry.” So maybe you don’t see him serving in the church and you feel as thought that is a sign of his lack of commitment to the faith. You never take the time to even find out what he is doing outside of the church and write him off.
A)He could be a coach of a little league team and ministers to youth.
B)He could serve in many ways outside of the church and can be following his calling. Every man isn’t called to minister inside of the church walls but GOD still gets all the glory.
7.“He has too many kids!” In all fairness this is something that may be a real red flag. But sometimes ladies say too many and are talking about 2 or three kids.
What if you can’t bare children and GOD knows this? What if 2 or 3 kids just seems like a lot? He could be your hearts desire and then this fact makes you back up.
A)This man could have lost his wife to cancer or a car accident.
B)Waiting for the man without any kids could be a long one. Will you turn away someone God is sending you because he had children before you?
8.“He doesn’t have a car.” This is very worldly and ridiculous standard for a Christian woman to have.
A)He could have had a bad car accident and lost his car. He’s saving up for another one and hasn’t bought it yet.
B)He could be saving his money to buy his first home and sacrificing a car at the moment.
9.“ He doesn’t have any education.” Collage doesn’t guarantee a hard working man.
A)He may not have went to collage but he owns and runs his family’s business.
B)He could have just went to high school and got into a banking job and later will become the branch manager.
10.“He’s just not my type.” It’s not that I’m saying that you shouldn’t have preferences; it’s just that in waiting for the “Perfect Man” that fits your every idea, you can be passing by the blessing that God intends to give you. Marriage is a ministry that will challenge you to become more like CHRIST because you have to die to your self daily and sacrifice always. Your type and God’s intended type for you may be different. Our every purpose in life is to glorify GOD. GOD will join us together with someone who will help us to do that with our lives.
A)He’s not a great dresser like you would have liked, but maybe he’d be willing to let you help him out with that.
B)He’s not fine enough today in your eyes but when you see him 5 years later, wow! What did he do to his self?
I use to have a list that contained 10 things that I wanted my husband to be. There was only one thing on that list that he didn’t have. I actually thought about not allowing US to be because of this one silly thing. It’s realistic to have certain standards and by all means I hope you do, but just be sure that your “STANDARDS” are not conflicting with GOD’S PLANS.
Do you have any standards that I have not listed? Please email them to me, I’d love to hear them.
(every one should have standards, but are your's so high no man can reach them ?)
1.“He lives at home with his mother.” Why does he live at home with his mother? If you are turned off at just the sound of this and not even allow him to explain the situation, you could be pushing away a blessing.
A)He lives at home with his mother because his mother’s actually lives with him and he takes care of her because she is sick.
B)He just went threw a divorce because his ex cheated and he let her keep the house while he saves for a new one.
2.“He’s too old or too young.” There is such a thing as too old or too young for you, but sometimes we can be extra anal. When you are in your thirties 5 to 6 years difference is not a big deal, but at the same time if a guy is 23 and the girl is 17, that’s not cool at all. Each situation is different.
A)God could be trying to bring a slightly older man into your life for you to look up to and because it maybe easier for you to respect him.
B)God could also be bringing a slightly younger man into your life because that man will be a great fit for your personality, but if you never give him a chance, you’ll never know.
3.“He don’t have a job!” or a good enough job. Sometimes women look at men and think, that’s how I want my husband to be. But you don’t know what it took for him to be there, lots of times you are seeing the end result of a lot of hard work. A few years beside him while he’s working for UPS shouldn’t be beneath you.
A)He could be working at a shoe store while putting his self through collage.
B)He could have plans and dreams to own his own business, the dream will come true and what you turned down, 5 years later is looking kind of nice.
4.“He’s too newly saved.” In a lot of cases this seems like a logical reason. But each situation needs to be treated differently. A brother who’s on fire for the Lord and growing is all you need to make it. Men who have been saved for years do not come with a guaranteed GREAT HUSBAND stamp. Just don’t cross him off the list if he says he’s been saved for a year.
A)A man can be newly saved but surround himself with older men in the faith and grow to be a strong grounded Christian.
B)A man can be saved for a while and still do things that you thought a long time Christian man would never do.
5.“He just got out of a relationship.” I don’t quite understand the logic behind this but it’s something I’ve heard from women. What is wrong with a guy making a decision to walk away from something he didn’t see working?
A)Maybe God’s leading him to be connected with someone else, maybe that’s you? Why would you not even consider giving him the time of day because he just broke it off with someone?
B)Maybe the girl cheated or she just dumped him. Some ones lost can be your gain, but you won’t know that if this is a standard you have.
6.“ He doesn’t serve on church ministry.” So maybe you don’t see him serving in the church and you feel as thought that is a sign of his lack of commitment to the faith. You never take the time to even find out what he is doing outside of the church and write him off.
A)He could be a coach of a little league team and ministers to youth.
B)He could serve in many ways outside of the church and can be following his calling. Every man isn’t called to minister inside of the church walls but GOD still gets all the glory.
7.“He has too many kids!” In all fairness this is something that may be a real red flag. But sometimes ladies say too many and are talking about 2 or three kids.
What if you can’t bare children and GOD knows this? What if 2 or 3 kids just seems like a lot? He could be your hearts desire and then this fact makes you back up.
A)This man could have lost his wife to cancer or a car accident.
B)Waiting for the man without any kids could be a long one. Will you turn away someone God is sending you because he had children before you?
8.“He doesn’t have a car.” This is very worldly and ridiculous standard for a Christian woman to have.
A)He could have had a bad car accident and lost his car. He’s saving up for another one and hasn’t bought it yet.
B)He could be saving his money to buy his first home and sacrificing a car at the moment.
9.“ He doesn’t have any education.” Collage doesn’t guarantee a hard working man.
A)He may not have went to collage but he owns and runs his family’s business.
B)He could have just went to high school and got into a banking job and later will become the branch manager.
10.“He’s just not my type.” It’s not that I’m saying that you shouldn’t have preferences; it’s just that in waiting for the “Perfect Man” that fits your every idea, you can be passing by the blessing that God intends to give you. Marriage is a ministry that will challenge you to become more like CHRIST because you have to die to your self daily and sacrifice always. Your type and God’s intended type for you may be different. Our every purpose in life is to glorify GOD. GOD will join us together with someone who will help us to do that with our lives.
A)He’s not a great dresser like you would have liked, but maybe he’d be willing to let you help him out with that.
B)He’s not fine enough today in your eyes but when you see him 5 years later, wow! What did he do to his self?
I use to have a list that contained 10 things that I wanted my husband to be. There was only one thing on that list that he didn’t have. I actually thought about not allowing US to be because of this one silly thing. It’s realistic to have certain standards and by all means I hope you do, but just be sure that your “STANDARDS” are not conflicting with GOD’S PLANS.
Do you have any standards that I have not listed? Please email them to me, I’d love to hear them.
True Dreams
I don't know what you are dreaming of and for but with God all things are possible. If you seek Him 1st and make Him your #1 desire, I can promise you that
YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE!
I know how it feels to want to give up.
But keep moving, no matter what.
I know how it feels when you just want to die.
But you have to keep pressing, and look to the sky.
When everything feels wrong, and your heart is down.
No one seems to understands and defeat has you bound.
I want you to remember, you're on solid ground.
I know how it feels to hurt inside,
I know how it feels to have lost your pride,
I know what it's like to feel all alone.
But God is right there with you, wherever you may roam.
When I look back at my life, I truly must say,
This pain is not permanent, it will vanish one day.
So no matter how bad things may seem, or what
GOD allows you to go through,
One day you'll see sunshine and your dreams will
come true!
YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE!
I know how it feels to want to give up.
But keep moving, no matter what.
I know how it feels when you just want to die.
But you have to keep pressing, and look to the sky.
When everything feels wrong, and your heart is down.
No one seems to understands and defeat has you bound.
I want you to remember, you're on solid ground.
I know how it feels to hurt inside,
I know how it feels to have lost your pride,
I know what it's like to feel all alone.
But God is right there with you, wherever you may roam.
When I look back at my life, I truly must say,
This pain is not permanent, it will vanish one day.
So no matter how bad things may seem, or what
GOD allows you to go through,
One day you'll see sunshine and your dreams will
come true!
Ask Me and I'll Say YES!
The Engagement
July 19Th 2001
"So are you my lady?"
"Yes, yes I'm your lady"
It was like heaven on earth. The day I'll never forget. Yeah Dell forgets sometimes , well all the time about this anniversary, but I'll never forget it for the rest of my life. I don't mind that he forgets it because he never forgets our Wedding Anniversary. This day meant so much to me because I had waited all my life for the day that I'd meet my husband, the man that loved me to death, inside and out. July 19, 2001 was the day it all became real. To be a wife was my dream, more than anything in life I wanted to be a wife and have a family. I use to listen to songs and long for a man to love me in such a way that He'd give his life for me (love me like Christ loved the Church). Now, here he was. Dell was 28 and I was 27. He'd just turned 28 June 4Th and I just turned 27 on July 3rd. Now our conversations were of marriage and how we'd build our lives. We were done with the games and we both had reached a point where settling down was our goal in life. So we talked and we discussed things like partners and I received my engagement ring in April of 2002. Sorry, but neither one of us knows the exact date that he gave me the ring that I picked out myself, but we were engaged before the ring came upon my hand. Our engagement day was JULY 19Th, 2001 (remember). In our friendship we built a wide open tell all relationship so there was no question in our next steps. God had spoken and we heard Him loud and clear. We were to become one! I still dwell on our love and how it became, God didn't have to bless me. I look at my husband and all I can do is praise God for His unconditional love, and His promises.
I had a dream one night that Delmar bought me a black pearl for my engagement ring. I told him about my dream and he worried that I wouldn't like my ring because 90% of the gifts he had been buying for me I didn't like. So, he told me to go to the store and look at the ring, and if I didn't like it to pick out what I wanted. Now, I know what you are thinking, (that's not romantic at all), but hey, I had to love my ring he didn't. (LOL) So I was so excited about picking it out (of course I didn't like what he picked out, but he has gotten much better at picking out gifts for me! lol). Dell was wearing his wedding band before we were even married. Waiting wasn't necessary. Some things are just so minute when you are madly in love with your dream come true!
My Poem Of Faith
"I didn't know who, how, or when, but God told me He would send me a husband, so I started dreaming. I wanted him to be more than loving and more than fine. I wanted him to love the Lord with all of his being. God said He would do that and more. More than I could even think to ask for. As I dreamed up my Mr. Wonderful I wrote about what I thought and dreamed of him to be. It went like this:"
HIM
He walked into my life unaware of my skills. He was mesmerized by my beauty and how my presence made him feel. As time flew by and he learned new things, his love for me grew stronger, especially when I'd sing. I'd read him soft poetry and watch as his heart would beat. This man loves me to the extreme, I've knocked him off of his feet! As I sleep at night I can feel him staring upon my face, as he thanks Our Lord and mutters "no one can take her place". As he takes down the meal I prepared he explains how I'm the best. He dives into his plate full force and surfaces when there none left. The goodness of my cooking is turning my husband on. We flee the kitchen table, not returning till dawn. He's so grateful to God for leading him to me. We see eye to eye and most always agree. He didn't want to beg God, yet some how he felt incomplete. Then God spoke to his heart one day and said :There's someone I'd like you to meet." Realizing God's strength and being aware of His power, still didn't prepare him for his blessing of showers.
I rub his feet after work because his job is so hard. I massage his back daily, there are invisible scars. I run his bath and as he gets in, he thinks of my goodness and it causes him to grin. I come to wash his back after putting the kids to bed. I know he wants me to join him, his thoughts I can see through his head. Our joy could have been sin if we would not have wed, and waited on the Lord to do just what He said!
Poem
No I've never been loved like this before,
I just know it's all that I've been praying for.
The days drift by and you seem to love me more.
You are the one that I shall cherish, the one that I adore.
I never thought you could know me so well and treat me so right.
But my faith allowed me to see what was not in my sight.
And with GOD our love will remain consistent and tight.
It's truly hard to be angry with you, almost impossible to be mad.
Because I see you as my little savior, who has rescued me at last!
July 19Th 2001
"So are you my lady?"
"Yes, yes I'm your lady"
It was like heaven on earth. The day I'll never forget. Yeah Dell forgets sometimes , well all the time about this anniversary, but I'll never forget it for the rest of my life. I don't mind that he forgets it because he never forgets our Wedding Anniversary. This day meant so much to me because I had waited all my life for the day that I'd meet my husband, the man that loved me to death, inside and out. July 19, 2001 was the day it all became real. To be a wife was my dream, more than anything in life I wanted to be a wife and have a family. I use to listen to songs and long for a man to love me in such a way that He'd give his life for me (love me like Christ loved the Church). Now, here he was. Dell was 28 and I was 27. He'd just turned 28 June 4Th and I just turned 27 on July 3rd. Now our conversations were of marriage and how we'd build our lives. We were done with the games and we both had reached a point where settling down was our goal in life. So we talked and we discussed things like partners and I received my engagement ring in April of 2002. Sorry, but neither one of us knows the exact date that he gave me the ring that I picked out myself, but we were engaged before the ring came upon my hand. Our engagement day was JULY 19Th, 2001 (remember). In our friendship we built a wide open tell all relationship so there was no question in our next steps. God had spoken and we heard Him loud and clear. We were to become one! I still dwell on our love and how it became, God didn't have to bless me. I look at my husband and all I can do is praise God for His unconditional love, and His promises.
I had a dream one night that Delmar bought me a black pearl for my engagement ring. I told him about my dream and he worried that I wouldn't like my ring because 90% of the gifts he had been buying for me I didn't like. So, he told me to go to the store and look at the ring, and if I didn't like it to pick out what I wanted. Now, I know what you are thinking, (that's not romantic at all), but hey, I had to love my ring he didn't. (LOL) So I was so excited about picking it out (of course I didn't like what he picked out, but he has gotten much better at picking out gifts for me! lol). Dell was wearing his wedding band before we were even married. Waiting wasn't necessary. Some things are just so minute when you are madly in love with your dream come true!
My Poem Of Faith
"I didn't know who, how, or when, but God told me He would send me a husband, so I started dreaming. I wanted him to be more than loving and more than fine. I wanted him to love the Lord with all of his being. God said He would do that and more. More than I could even think to ask for. As I dreamed up my Mr. Wonderful I wrote about what I thought and dreamed of him to be. It went like this:"
HIM
He walked into my life unaware of my skills. He was mesmerized by my beauty and how my presence made him feel. As time flew by and he learned new things, his love for me grew stronger, especially when I'd sing. I'd read him soft poetry and watch as his heart would beat. This man loves me to the extreme, I've knocked him off of his feet! As I sleep at night I can feel him staring upon my face, as he thanks Our Lord and mutters "no one can take her place". As he takes down the meal I prepared he explains how I'm the best. He dives into his plate full force and surfaces when there none left. The goodness of my cooking is turning my husband on. We flee the kitchen table, not returning till dawn. He's so grateful to God for leading him to me. We see eye to eye and most always agree. He didn't want to beg God, yet some how he felt incomplete. Then God spoke to his heart one day and said :There's someone I'd like you to meet." Realizing God's strength and being aware of His power, still didn't prepare him for his blessing of showers.
I rub his feet after work because his job is so hard. I massage his back daily, there are invisible scars. I run his bath and as he gets in, he thinks of my goodness and it causes him to grin. I come to wash his back after putting the kids to bed. I know he wants me to join him, his thoughts I can see through his head. Our joy could have been sin if we would not have wed, and waited on the Lord to do just what He said!
Poem
No I've never been loved like this before,
I just know it's all that I've been praying for.
The days drift by and you seem to love me more.
You are the one that I shall cherish, the one that I adore.
I never thought you could know me so well and treat me so right.
But my faith allowed me to see what was not in my sight.
And with GOD our love will remain consistent and tight.
It's truly hard to be angry with you, almost impossible to be mad.
Because I see you as my little savior, who has rescued me at last!
The True Love Story
The Year was 1988 and I was in the 7th grade for the second time (bad girl). There was this young bull named Dana Garrison who looked like the OLD Michael Jackson (Jackson 5 Mike) who wanted to become my boyfriend (what ever that meant back then). Most everything I did in my child hood was not good, but this is the story. Even though I was so called in love with this other dude that wouldn't give me the time of day, I said Yeah to Dana being my boyfriend. So now Dana had this little buddy (best friend) named Delmar, who happened to be the blackest boy I'd ever seen.
He was the color of that real fat strong unbreakable plastic comb that you may have sometimes gotten hit with as a child.
He was short and had a fore head for days! Let's just say that in the 80's he wasn't what was happening. Light skin guys ruled then. I can remember him always being around in the two months Dana and I were so called together. After maybe a peck of a kiss we were done. We were so young and I was still scared of these touchy feely boys. I went to Delmar's house a few times looking for Dana and can remember playing and kidding around here and there, but Delmar was one of those dudes that you could just forget because he wasn't what you would call "THAT BULL" (popular) in my eyes.
He tells me of the stories of him coming over my house the following years, and how he knew both of my cousins that I lived and grew up with. Also, he remembers always seeing me at the neighborhood playground, but he must have been invisable to me because I just remembered him by our friend Dana. Any way, thats how we met!
GOD Had A Plan
The year was 2001, I was on my way home from Community College on
the Subway going southbound. It was late because I took night classes and I was beat.
I got on the train, and you know how everyone looks to see who's getting on the train,
well this man was looking. Ok, I took my seat, but dude was still looking. So, I thought to
myself "Yes, I'm a little beautiful but... Hello, why are you staring dude?" It was late so it made
me feel a little uncomfotable. This crazy looking dude with these big brown glasses, thick plaid
flannel jacket and scully hat was creeping me out! Then he said "Lisa" I looked up, and I looked,
and I looked, and then I was like "ooooooooooooooooohhhh!" I couldn't remember his name but
who could forget that face! It was Delmar Gore. I got up and sat beside him. He knew I didn't remember
his name and he told me, then asked what had I been up to. "Church, school, getting my life together,
you know walking with the Lord" I responded. Well our friendship hit it off from there because Delmar
was saved and seeking the Lords face as well. I told him he should visit my wonderful Church. He said
he was planning to visit there and that was just so funny how I'd invite him. We talked for a few, I told
him I hoped to see him at one of our Sunday services and rolled out (got off the train).
Delmar visited my Church but I had no idea he was there the first time. Then, as I walked to class one day shortly after his visit, I walked smack dead into him (not literally). He had a warm hello hug for me and he looked rather nice compared to how I first seen him on the subway (We laugh about that now). I asked when was he going to visit and he explained that he did and he seen me singing on the choir , blah blah, small talk. Then I gave him my freshly made business cards that advertised my new business ArtUnlimited. It had details about what I offered, my # and email address. I didn't know at that time that was the 1st way I'd win his heart, but it was. The fact that I was this go getter type woman made him want to get to know me even more. I loved the Lord with all my heart, I had a full time job, and went to College. These are his words that I've plucked out of my memory so that you can get the full picture. Phone conversations were all we had at that time because our lives were rather busy with so many other things, but we did talk, and talked and talked. Delmar's next visit to the church, how can I say was an eye opener. I sat close to the back so I'd see him come in and when he did... this man shook my soul. No, really. All I heard in my head was "THAT"S MY HUSBAND". Yes it was me saying that, but trust me I took it to my Daddy and waited for Him to say -NO- as always but He didn't. He said wait. Yet, Lisa never waits, and as long as He didn't say no, I was like, YEAH!!! Although I never said "Hey Delmar lets be more than friends" he picked up on alot of my vibes and one day after I read him this poem that I claimed had no date on it he blurts out "I'm not ready for a relationship" I was so offened, but who was i fooling? Dell was way too smart. So, I played it off like "Uhhhh, I never asked you for one" After some time pasted he'd be back with his daughter's mother again. Yeah God told me to wait, there was someone in my way...baby momma. So, I fell back on my feelings (or so I tried) and remained a true friend. You know the kind of friend that tells you you're with the wrong person (lol).
As our friendship grew, I persued another relationship (DAUH). Delmar was still seeing his daughters mother even though it didn't feel right, and I was just being impatient. We'd talk for long hours about our relationships with other people, about life and our past. We'd talk about everything. We became such great friends that he felt guilty talking to me while he was still seeing his daughters mother. And then, after about three months of getting reaquainted, he shut me off, cut me out, said gotta stop talking to you cause it ain't right. I was devistated.
I had just gotten out of a homeless shelter and I wanted him to come check out my new blessing, my new low income house. But he refused. Although we were only friends, my true feelings for Delmar were not hidden very well and he knew that I was falling for him. The scary part for him was that he was falling too. So, from May to July we were without conversation. Delmar says that not too long after we stopped talking he broke up with his daughter's mom which wasn't a hard thing to do seeing that she wasn't a Christian at the time (she is now). Delmar said all he kept hearing was God speaking to Him saying my name over and over. He said he kept going over all of our conversations in his head and all this lead him to pursue me. Now I knew "a man who finds a wife finds a good thing" but I wanted to do things in my time and not the Lords so I got my little feelings hurt. But what God had for me , was for me. I just needed to fall back (chill out) and be obedient. Now, here my future husband was calling me and asking when was he gonna see me.
How We Knew
Delmar and I had became such close friends. Talking and sharing, laughing and building. But what made us get along so well was both of our personal relationships with The Lord. We were in agreement on what was right in life and we had alot of the same goals. This made it easy to have long fun conversations. We were also both in what the world would call rock bottom situations because he was in a half way house and I was in a Christian homeless shelter. We both had other people telling us when and how we could go. But even though we were in those situations, we were inside of God's will. And although to others it may seem depressing, we accepted it as a blessing because we should have been dead.
I prayed and I prayed because the last thing I wanted was to be outside of God's will for my life. I had been in relationships that I chose for myself and been with guys that I loved , yet God would always tell me to leave. I had to listen to Him regardless of what I felt and wanted. It wasn't easy, it hurt to the point that I wanted to die at times. So, this time God was not saying no. It was a miracle. I was so unworthy of a blessing like this! So I fasted and prayed some more, just for conformation, the answer was still the same. "Yes, just take it slow and do things my way." Now, I won't lie to you, we were hard headed children and we fell into sin. We suffered for it, but we both got down on our knees in tears and prayed for forgiveness. That was awesome. We knew that we were meant to be because God told me that my husband would have this certain issue in his life and we'd connect in a way that no other could. When Dell and I connected in this major way, it grew Dell's faith 10 billion times and we were convinced. Confirmation was in full effect (our secret)! But God's total peace came over us both and we couldn't deny that we were madly in love with each other. We became best friends and we were so joyfully in our relationship, there was absolutely no doubt. I'm telling you no doubts and no maybe's, no what if's and what of's. We knew that we knew.
He was the color of that real fat strong unbreakable plastic comb that you may have sometimes gotten hit with as a child.
He was short and had a fore head for days! Let's just say that in the 80's he wasn't what was happening. Light skin guys ruled then. I can remember him always being around in the two months Dana and I were so called together. After maybe a peck of a kiss we were done. We were so young and I was still scared of these touchy feely boys. I went to Delmar's house a few times looking for Dana and can remember playing and kidding around here and there, but Delmar was one of those dudes that you could just forget because he wasn't what you would call "THAT BULL" (popular) in my eyes.
He tells me of the stories of him coming over my house the following years, and how he knew both of my cousins that I lived and grew up with. Also, he remembers always seeing me at the neighborhood playground, but he must have been invisable to me because I just remembered him by our friend Dana. Any way, thats how we met!
GOD Had A Plan
The year was 2001, I was on my way home from Community College on
the Subway going southbound. It was late because I took night classes and I was beat.
I got on the train, and you know how everyone looks to see who's getting on the train,
well this man was looking. Ok, I took my seat, but dude was still looking. So, I thought to
myself "Yes, I'm a little beautiful but... Hello, why are you staring dude?" It was late so it made
me feel a little uncomfotable. This crazy looking dude with these big brown glasses, thick plaid
flannel jacket and scully hat was creeping me out! Then he said "Lisa" I looked up, and I looked,
and I looked, and then I was like "ooooooooooooooooohhhh!" I couldn't remember his name but
who could forget that face! It was Delmar Gore. I got up and sat beside him. He knew I didn't remember
his name and he told me, then asked what had I been up to. "Church, school, getting my life together,
you know walking with the Lord" I responded. Well our friendship hit it off from there because Delmar
was saved and seeking the Lords face as well. I told him he should visit my wonderful Church. He said
he was planning to visit there and that was just so funny how I'd invite him. We talked for a few, I told
him I hoped to see him at one of our Sunday services and rolled out (got off the train).
Delmar visited my Church but I had no idea he was there the first time. Then, as I walked to class one day shortly after his visit, I walked smack dead into him (not literally). He had a warm hello hug for me and he looked rather nice compared to how I first seen him on the subway (We laugh about that now). I asked when was he going to visit and he explained that he did and he seen me singing on the choir , blah blah, small talk. Then I gave him my freshly made business cards that advertised my new business ArtUnlimited. It had details about what I offered, my # and email address. I didn't know at that time that was the 1st way I'd win his heart, but it was. The fact that I was this go getter type woman made him want to get to know me even more. I loved the Lord with all my heart, I had a full time job, and went to College. These are his words that I've plucked out of my memory so that you can get the full picture. Phone conversations were all we had at that time because our lives were rather busy with so many other things, but we did talk, and talked and talked. Delmar's next visit to the church, how can I say was an eye opener. I sat close to the back so I'd see him come in and when he did... this man shook my soul. No, really. All I heard in my head was "THAT"S MY HUSBAND". Yes it was me saying that, but trust me I took it to my Daddy and waited for Him to say -NO- as always but He didn't. He said wait. Yet, Lisa never waits, and as long as He didn't say no, I was like, YEAH!!! Although I never said "Hey Delmar lets be more than friends" he picked up on alot of my vibes and one day after I read him this poem that I claimed had no date on it he blurts out "I'm not ready for a relationship" I was so offened, but who was i fooling? Dell was way too smart. So, I played it off like "Uhhhh, I never asked you for one" After some time pasted he'd be back with his daughter's mother again. Yeah God told me to wait, there was someone in my way...baby momma. So, I fell back on my feelings (or so I tried) and remained a true friend. You know the kind of friend that tells you you're with the wrong person (lol).
As our friendship grew, I persued another relationship (DAUH). Delmar was still seeing his daughters mother even though it didn't feel right, and I was just being impatient. We'd talk for long hours about our relationships with other people, about life and our past. We'd talk about everything. We became such great friends that he felt guilty talking to me while he was still seeing his daughters mother. And then, after about three months of getting reaquainted, he shut me off, cut me out, said gotta stop talking to you cause it ain't right. I was devistated.
I had just gotten out of a homeless shelter and I wanted him to come check out my new blessing, my new low income house. But he refused. Although we were only friends, my true feelings for Delmar were not hidden very well and he knew that I was falling for him. The scary part for him was that he was falling too. So, from May to July we were without conversation. Delmar says that not too long after we stopped talking he broke up with his daughter's mom which wasn't a hard thing to do seeing that she wasn't a Christian at the time (she is now). Delmar said all he kept hearing was God speaking to Him saying my name over and over. He said he kept going over all of our conversations in his head and all this lead him to pursue me. Now I knew "a man who finds a wife finds a good thing" but I wanted to do things in my time and not the Lords so I got my little feelings hurt. But what God had for me , was for me. I just needed to fall back (chill out) and be obedient. Now, here my future husband was calling me and asking when was he gonna see me.
How We Knew
Delmar and I had became such close friends. Talking and sharing, laughing and building. But what made us get along so well was both of our personal relationships with The Lord. We were in agreement on what was right in life and we had alot of the same goals. This made it easy to have long fun conversations. We were also both in what the world would call rock bottom situations because he was in a half way house and I was in a Christian homeless shelter. We both had other people telling us when and how we could go. But even though we were in those situations, we were inside of God's will. And although to others it may seem depressing, we accepted it as a blessing because we should have been dead.
I prayed and I prayed because the last thing I wanted was to be outside of God's will for my life. I had been in relationships that I chose for myself and been with guys that I loved , yet God would always tell me to leave. I had to listen to Him regardless of what I felt and wanted. It wasn't easy, it hurt to the point that I wanted to die at times. So, this time God was not saying no. It was a miracle. I was so unworthy of a blessing like this! So I fasted and prayed some more, just for conformation, the answer was still the same. "Yes, just take it slow and do things my way." Now, I won't lie to you, we were hard headed children and we fell into sin. We suffered for it, but we both got down on our knees in tears and prayed for forgiveness. That was awesome. We knew that we were meant to be because God told me that my husband would have this certain issue in his life and we'd connect in a way that no other could. When Dell and I connected in this major way, it grew Dell's faith 10 billion times and we were convinced. Confirmation was in full effect (our secret)! But God's total peace came over us both and we couldn't deny that we were madly in love with each other. We became best friends and we were so joyfully in our relationship, there was absolutely no doubt. I'm telling you no doubts and no maybe's, no what if's and what of's. We knew that we knew.
Part 1 of My Life
I was born and named, but I wasnt supposed to make it. I was loved and claimed, but still, I wasnt supposed to make it. I was born In West Philadelphia to a seventeen year old girl who had epilepsy and a father who had a drug and alcohol addiction. My mother only lived eight months after I was born. I never knew her nor could I remember seeing her face, yet I found myself crying for her many nights. This void in my life was supposed to destroy me and I wasnt supposed to make it. It was March 5th 1975 when my mother died in her sleep. You can say that my father died that day also because he was the one who found my mother in her forever sleep. He was so torn that drugs and alcohol replaced me and in that brief moment I was mother and fatherless. I know that it must have been very hard coming in and finding your wife dead a week after you just celebrated your 1 year Wedding Anniversary (February 23) . Unable to deal with the pain, he continued in his addiction and sold his soul to lust and drugs. He remained in bondage for my entire childhood. I grew up without an example of a real man in my life and as I searched for love I always wound up finding pain. I was raised by my mothers mother and she did the best that she could. She raised me along with my two older cousins who were boys. Their mother died six months after my mother in the same year! She was only 23 at the time of her death. My Grandmother was not young at that time when she took all of us. She was 62 years old, but very strong. My cousins were three and five. When I turned 13 I started to seek love in other directions because my Grandmother no longer accepted me for who I was or who I was becoming. She said things to me at times that caused scars that no one on earth could heal. For example; I was called a slut when I was still a virgin. I searched for anyone and anything to fill what she emptied, yet I always found myself in pools of pain. I started getting drunk and was sent away to live with my Dad at the age of 14. I returned home to Philly within ten months. No best friend would keep me, no guy would love me, and not many would accept me. I just wasnt supposed to make it. I can still hear the strong yet powerless voices, Why bother going to school, youll still be dumb? You arent worth nothing and youll never be nothing! Its funny how you start to believe others and their opinions become you facts about yourself. If for a second you believe you can be some body you quickly tell yourself youre lying because everyone cant be wrong. Then your goals seem unobtainable and your dreams seem unreachable. You have this strong desire, but youre so drained from all the ridicule, criticism, and being unaccepted, that you lack the energy you need to climb the steps to success. That was me, I had so many dreams. I believed in me and my piers did also, it was when I stopped receiving from my Grandmother that I shut down. When I knew she couldnt stand who I was becoming something with in me gave up and died. I know she did her best to love me, but there were times when she would get so frustrated with me that she would lash out at me with harsh and hurtful words. Slut, whore, tramp, dumb, fool, these words were suppose to remind me of who I was. I wanted to believe different and searched deeper and harder for someone and anyone to make me feel better about myself. Acceptance became my God. I grew to nearly hate My Grandmother because she didn’t display her love in a way that I could see. I searched for a love to replace hers and that only led me to attempt suicide. My older cousin Ira Gibson became addicted to drugs as a result of having my father as a role model. He would steal everything from phones, to transpasses, to meat from the freezer. If I spoke up, I was beat up. I can count two black eyes, and many horrible nights. He sold his soul to drugs and lust and died at the same age as his mother (23). I hated my Grandmother for allowing him to live with us and hurt me so bad. I thought she must have loved him more because she didnt protect me from him. On my search for love, I found a guy who was not what or who he said he was. All I wanted was love, and all he had was lies. I believed that it was possible for someone to see good in me. I believed that it was possible for someone to love and accept me for who I was, and I believed it was him. His lies made me feel wanted, special, important, needed and some how complete. Although our entire three and a half year relationship was built on lies, it made me feel cared for. He was the first and only guy that stayed around after sexual intercourse, and although he did something every week to cause me to want to leave him, he would promise me hed die without me. He would fall to his knees begging, crying, (literally) and promising me change. The words were powerful but it was the tears that made me stay. After about six months in the relationship things got real crazy. Abuse became a normal way of communicating. I cant even remember the first hit because there were so many fights. Being as though I was raised with two boys I was no punk, so I always fought back. He pushed, I kicked, he slapped, I scratched, he grabbed, and I punched. It was terrible. I never even realized that I was reliving the life that my mother and father had. Here was the cycle continuing. Even after all of the disrespect, fighting and cheating, I stayed. He made me believe that no one else would love or accept me. No one but him. He also used verbal abuse to tear my self esteem down and with all the STDs he had given me, why would some one want me? Wed break up almost every two months or so and end up back together. Hit after hit, fight after fight, girl after girl. I cried and cried but lacked the strength and courage to leave. I use to pray that I would just die and never wake again. I wanted to escape but I thought I lacked the will power to leave. I had what it took to leave, but I choose to stay and believed his lies. I moved into my own apartment at 18 and that didn’t work out. I had to leave him because I was laying awake at night planning how I would murder him in his sleep. I left but I couldn’t separate myself from him totally. And at the age of 19 I was pregnant. At that time we were not going together but we still slept together. I was not going to keep my baby because I didnt want any connections to him. I made three different appointments to have an abortion but due to financial issues it never took place. By the time the money became available I was already convinced by his tears to keep our baby. I thought it was rather strange that he wanted me to keep our child. Because when I was 5 months pregnant he put his hands on me. Being the fool that I was, I took him back and nothing changed. Through out my entire pregnancy he had unprotected sex with numbers of woman, yet he wanted this baby. I was not in the dark about his cheating and I cried nearly everyday. Only God kept my son alive and healthy, because if it was left up to my stress he might not have made it. I regretted keeping my baby at that time because more and more I realized that I would be doing everything all alone. I knew I had to run from that relationship. It was only a matter of time. My poor Grandmother had to watch all this all over again and she hated that I wouldnt listen to her. After having my son, I started to feel needed, loved, and accepted. My son brought me strength and joy. More and more I started to believe that I was a beautiful person and that it was possible for someone to really love me. The love that I had for my son was not shared by his father so that made it easier to leave him. One day he just became so unattractive that I couldnt even bear to see his face. So after one more night out of him cheating on me it was finally over, forever. Or so I thought. I wound up pregnant again by him and got an abortion at 5 1/2 months. I left him for good shortly after that. That relationship was another trick that was suppose to destroy my life, my confidence, my dreams and my being. I was supposed to either die by his hand or commit suicide and I wasnt supposed to make. The struggle, the pain and the obstacles that lied in front of me were endless. It took another year before I could fully get this fool out of my system. When I received enough physical, verbal, and mental abuse I moved on to a few more abusive relationships. I didnt stay around as long because I began to know, and not just think that I deserved better. After being kicked down so low I tried things to lift me high, like weed, alcohol, dust, Xanax, volumes, and prescription cough syrup. I thought being so high could keep me from feeling my pain. I can remember 4 car accidents but there may have been more. I wasn’t supposed to live through all of this in the devils eyes. When my Grandmother died in July of 1996, it was time to answer the Lords constant call. It was at her funeral that I chose to give my life to Him, but I still had a far and long road to travel. Somehow I remained in bondage and the devil kept getting victory instead of GOD. Then when I hit the bottom of rock bottom I was freed. I was in a homeless shelter and I received some very serious counseling. I realized that I didnt have a problem with men or sex. The problem was that I had made ACCEPTANCE my God, and My Lord was not going to settle for 2nd place. It wasnt easy and I had fall after fall. Yet, staying in His Word (The Bible), Church, Bible Study, Revival, Ministry, Sunday School, Biblical Education Classes, Prayer Meeting, Fellowships, and on my knees, I learned to put HIM 1st over everything and kill my flesh. That is, refuse to give in to what it wanted and still wants. I was actually kicked out of the homeless shelter due to my lack of falling into the perfect zone and it has been all good since then! GOD used that experience to get me ready for the next phase in my walk and I have not looked back since. I learned that I had to put GOD 1st and HIS will for my life and now today I am free. I have a wonderful best friend who is also my HUSBAND, and an awesome son! We own our home in a beautiful suburban area, and I am walking in Gods light and shinning every where we go! And despite the odds, I MADE IT!
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